It’s Just Cancer

It’s Just Cancer!

I recently had the chance to talk to another thyroid cancer survivor. It was good to hear from someone who went thru what I went thru. We got to talk about diagnosis, surgery, treatment and life as a survivor. It was nice not to feel alone.

A mutual friend had put me in touch with her because they are doing a thyroid cancer walk in October in memory of someone that died from the disease. Died…from thyroid cancer…actually her thyroid cancer went undiagnosed for years, and it ended up spreading to her lymph and bones.

So many people, doctors included, seem to find it necessary to tell you that “you are lucky it’s ONLY thyroid cancer” and it is “one of the easiest cancers to cure”. Am I Lucky? Am I Lucky to have cancer? I was lucky…they found it early. VERY LUCKY: if that statement in itself isn’t ironic! Ok, well there are a few things I am lucky for: I am lucky Dr Podgorski, he is so diligent and recommended the study that found the mass. I am lucky I didn’t listen to my family doctor and wait to see an endocrinologist and have a biopsy because it is probably nothing. I am lucky my lymph nodes and blood vessels were unaffected by the cancer. I am lucky they found it at all.
But am I lucky that I have a family history of Lung, Bone, Prostate, Renal, Bladder, and Breast Cancer? Am I lucky to be predisposed to all of these cancers, and now I have to live on egg shells, waiting for someone to find a mass or cancerous cells? It is said that thyroid cancer doesn’t “go” anywhere… for example; breast and prostate cancer are known to go to bone. However, thyroid cells can grow anywhere but the cancer is not known to metastasize. So yes, I had my thyroid removed, and yes I had Radioactive Ablation. And yes, I have to follow up around Christmas with another scan and possible treatment to make sure they do not see any more cancerous cells. But no one will committee to doing further testing on me.

No one thinks I need to “look” for anything else, any other cancers. But have you ever heard of giving someone peace of mind?? My GYN conceded and gave me a slip to have a mammogram, which came up abnormal. So here I am, having picture after picture, back sitting on the same table where they told me that I have a mass on my thyroid, waiting to speak to the Doctor to hear what the abnormality in my left breast is. Thank God it was only a cluster of cysts behind my nipple. But that hour was very nerve racking!

The Endocrinologist’s staff called me last week and cancelled my appt; they told me to decrease my medication on the weekend only and have blood work done again in six weeks. Of course, I forgot to change my dose this weekend. I was going to do it on Monday and Tuesday when I remembered but I was afraid I would have some reaction to the decrease, like mood swing or exhaustion. So I figured I would wait and see if I could remember this weekend. Good luck to me!

One of my biggest fears was how the scar on my neck was going to look. Yes I know that was ridiculous, I know I was being vane. I was so upset prior to surgery about this. I asked the surgeon at every appointment what I could do to make it not as noticeable. I was simply neurotic. Now that it is over, I have learned to deal with it. Most days I just forget it is there, but sometimes that is hard to do. It is constantly itchy, the hotter I am, the more irritated it is. None of the patients at my job will let me forget it is there, everyone has to ask about it. Some days I just want to tell them I was in a bar fight, or a killer tried to slit my throat but I survived by defending myself. Prior to my surgery I saw a few people with scars…I was so curious to know what happened, and if it was the result of the same surgery I was going to have, but I didn’t have the audacity to ask. People say the stupidest things to you also. I don’t think anyone thinks prior to speaking.
And old friend of mine, someone I considered very close to me at the time, went to her doctor and he suggested cervical surgery. All she could say was, “I don’t want to have a scar on my neck”; as I sat across from her, 3 weeks post op with a scar across my neck, I just look at her and say “it won’t be that bad, we will match.” HELLO! ASSHOLE! Are you serious??

It doesn’t matter where I am, who I am with, someone always has a comment, or a question. I was at Petsmart right after surgery, the woman behind the counter asked about my scar and told me how good it looked; I was at the farmers market this weekend buying flowers and the woman said to me, “OH, You must have had thyroid surgery, my friend had that.” I was at work yesterday, it was my birthday, the last patient of the day said to me as soon as she saw me, “what’s the scar from” and I said thyroid surgery, she proceeded to tell me that her friend is supposed to have it out but doesn’t know if she wants to because of the scar. Wop Di Do, do you think before you speak?? I didn’t want a scar either, but guess what…I HAD CANCER! I didn’t have a choice! WTF? I don’t feel the need to tell everyone I come across that I have/had cancer. I do not need people feeling sorry for me.

Doctors try not to alarm you. They try to ease your mind, but at the same time they give you false hope. They make it sound as if, once you’re cancerous thyroid is removed, you are free and clear. You still need to follow up, but no worries my friend. Go on, live your life, don’t look back, your fine! Then in five years, whammy, its back again, your thought it couldn’t happen, but it did!

OH and the people who pretend to “be sick”. For the attention, because they are lazy, for whatever reason, don’t you think there are plenty of people right now, going thru different treatments, that wish they could be at work instead of sitting at the radiology oncology office being pumped full of different “anti-cancer” medications. Puking their entire stomach content into a basin because they are too sick and too weak to get up off the couch? And do you really thing telling that person, “its just cancer” is going to make a light bulb go off in their head, and they will say, “Wait! Why am I going thru all of this, its just cancer. It’s just mutated cells taking over all my healthy cells, eating me alive. No Biggie!”UGH people infuriate me.




A word to the wise:
PLEASE AVOID THE PERSON WHO IS NOT REGULATED OR WHO IS WITHDRAWING FROM THYROID MEDICATION!
PLEASE DO NOT CONFRONT THEM AS YOU WILL LOSE, A FIGHT, A FRIEND OR A LIMB.
THIS IS NOT A JOKE!