Living Will

May 12, 2009
I have recent been subject to a loved one’s family member being strickened with non-operable cancer that is assumed to have metastatic tendencies. There is “nothing they can do for her” and they are “keeping her comfortable”.
Their situation has brought to light feelings I have long forgotten and shut out.
My grandfather died 15 years ago of lung cancer, my father died last year of cancer to the renal, bladder, prostate, and bone. I remember my mom getting the call at 2am that if we wanted to say goodbye to my grand pop that we would have to go right then; I didn’t go. My father lives 5 hours away, I received the call that he might not make it through the week, and then next day I got the call he past. I do not know anything about my father’s death. I contacted his wife last night to ask about the details but now I am unsure that I want to read the email. I don’t know that I really want to know.

I plan on obtaining a living will within the next couple of months. I want my wishes to be known, and followed. I do not want to be kept alive; I only want to live if I can preserve some kind of quality of life. I do not want machines breathing for me. I do not want my family to have to make that tough decision. I do not want my children to see me like that. I am an organ donor and I want my organs used for good, if there are any left worth using. I believe in euthanasia. I believe in medicinal marijuana. I believe in stem cell research.

I am so aggravated by what cancer can do to people. It needs to be stopped. It is a fact that cancer is gene mutations; so if my genes are mutated and I reproduce, then my offspring is at a higher risk of cancer then someone with no cancer in their family. I have always felt that I will die of cancer. I know that. I have bad genes, cancer runs deep within my family. It is like waiting for the ball to drop. It does not help that I have had cancer once.

Sometimes you can try as hard as you possible can to stop the effects of cancer. My father wanted to live to see his youngest graduate from high school. He would tell me over and over again, the doctors say I can’t do it, but I will! He was determined…. And so was the cancer. The cancer was determined to eat him alive. To make it so painful that he would need more and more pills and the pain never left. He didn’t make it to his 3rd birthday. How is that any way to live?

We need a cure for cancer. I know it is probably not going to be found in my lifetime, but it needs to happen.